Leave tomorrow to worry about tomorrow

You are surrounded by today yet your mind is already worried about tomorrow’s ideas and ideals. You are pre-occupied by all kinds of ‘What if’s’and the mental drain leaves you paralysed with fear.

You woke up, opened the blinds/curtains, opened the windows and took in a big deep breath of fresh air after the overnight first rains of the season. You see to everyone’s needs and wants for the day, then it’s your turn. Your time in the crazy busy world to think about you and only you.

And in less than a moment, you let them in, sit there with them and even try to own them…the dark clouds of self-doubt.

What if I am not good enough

What if no one reads any of the words I put out

Except for family and a few friends, no one knows I exists

 

Because there are so many more important people other than you

Wah Wah Blah Blah

On top of all this self-doubt, you add on the weight of what you have to come up with tomorrow, in order to still be remembered by those in your niche, with the hope of capturing a few new interested parties.

You worry about tomorrow’s weather, tomorrow’s first political stupid tweet, the first blog post from people in your circles and again adding to your already overflowing ‘What ifs’ bowl with more ‘what ifs’.

What if my post is last in line and it does not even come anywhere close to those that came out before or it come out as a cliché because all others have already said something like that.

Your heart beat so fast that you fall, you don’t even just take a seat, you fall on your bum because you are crippled by anxiety and mental defeat.

Only to wake up a year later and realise there have been and are still people in your corner singing your praise to others in their circles and asking questions about your next project.

They did not show their full interest in you because they did not want to pump up your ego and put more pressure on you, with the anticipation of having to meet that silent unsaid contract with them.

You open your eyes and realise you love writing, you are writing, and don’t need approval from anyone to put your thoughts and ideas out into the world and worry not about who happened to stumble upon your writings and like it. You validated yourself first long before you seek validation from others.

With that, all else is just a bonus to what you already chose to believe and know, that you are a creator of meaningful words that keep the world smiling and thinking of all the creatives all around the world.

All the book sales, blog likes, email subscribers, new followers, movie deals, are just a bonus.

When you reach that ‘Bonus’ status and state of mind, you know you have let got and left tomorrow to worry about tomorrow.

You are in this moment and loving it.

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When saying ‘I love you’ hurts

I love you

Three simple words that can turn someone’s world inside-out and leave you with feelings of none stop explosion.

But sometimes…

Sometimes they can bare the mark of the worse point in your life. You hear someone say them to you and in your mind the echoes of the past experiences and you feel something in you burning and wanting to get out. You manage to get that fire under control and clinch your fist and butt just to force these three little words out.

How long will that last?

Do you continue hovering the hurt inside or do you choose to openly love again without holding back? Or is the hurt so bad that even thinking of LOVE hurts over and over again without breaking?

You feel betrayed love, destroyed from the inside and feel like the world can see that you failed to stay in love and grow.

You look at yourself in a mirror and all you see is ashes from the you that was told ‘I love you’ at one point in your life. At one point where you felt on top of everything just because you heard those three words said to you daily.

But now you are not even sure that you even want to hear them again, though you told yourself and the world that you had fixed things and started over.

You finally choose to be happy and that in your world does not include these three word being shared with anyone except yourself. You find that spark that was truly the one thing pushing you to do good and keep going. You share love but you don’t want to hear the words I LOVE YOU because you never again want to hurt.

You once trusted your love to someone, you went all in and gave it all that was possible within you to love, but you got burned. I love you hurts even more when you hear I am sorry coming with it.