The weather man said it is going to rain in my part of the world for another two days, that is two more days without vitamin D.

Two more days of depending on pills to get through the day.

PTSD from the last surgical operation done that left not only a physical scar, but a lot of emotional and mental damage.

MS from who know where, just your body disliking itself and decide you have to be in pain, severe uncontrollable pain must I add, for as long as you draw breathe.

Bipolar I blame this on mean high school days, I don’t know, no one had bothered to explain to me why and where that one came from, and to think that it was the first of these many things.

Numb limbs, knifes not pins and more knifes, all over this small body, a back that feel like it is about to explode at any moment, eyes that does not what to look at the screen that I have to use to get paid.

Those are just a few of the challenges this little body of mine have to face each day and much more painful for the next 72+/- hours, thanks to mother nature. Farmers say it is a beautiful gift, I say it is HELL.

Oh did you think I forgot the awful migraines, those things are evil, EVIL I tell you. And some people will say that you are doing this just for attention and you should get over it or pop a pill and go on with life. Pop a pill they say, and where do they think those pills are going and doing inside my body each time.

Now I have to take something else for the burning stomach ulcers. Which by the way makes it hard to eat, but the bloody antidepressants are the contra-indicators to the loss of appetite. You still get labeled in that moment where you realize at the end of the last bread crumbs, that you just ate the whole cake in one seating.

The post trauma gets worse when I have to think about the very same injection that caused it in the first place, that I have to put in my body each month on the very same spot that…this is so difficult even writing about this part because it brings back the pain like it is happening now…

I consider myself very lucky that I still am with my family, as I feel for the families that lost their loved ones at the hands of our South African government, that is over 100 lives lost for no good reason. The thought of some of them leaving this earth all alone and still be lost for months without their families even knowing that they have passed on, my aches and pains right now are nothing.

We already feel so alone in our painful scary world, and to be left to
This is harder than I thought
To be left to perish and erode from hunger and dehydration and neglect and lack of proper medication, that is inhumane. 500ml bottle of water is less than R10, how do you eat knowing that the person placed in your care has gone for days without food?

How do you live with yourself and call yourself HUMAN after doing that to a helpless vulnerable human being?


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